Tax- and Vex- , now I need a Vac-
Well, I don't know about you, but my morning commute was made...interesting...by a phone call to the IRS. Why would I do that to myself, on a day when I can barely see straight/breathe thanks to a nice chest cold? Well, the 15th draws nigh, and I figured waiting for communication via snail mail was a losing proposition.
I did my taxes online in January as soon as all my...and I do mean ALL my...W-2's were in, and found out that I owed a hefty chunk. Fine. I requested a payment plan, and was told in my filing summary that it could be done in four installments, April, June, September, January. Fine again.
However, a closer look revealed some interesting discrepancies in the listings themselves. Why, if I were being 'approved' for a payment plan, was I being charged a penalty? And, if I was able to pay it off in full, did that mean I still had to pay that penalty, since it was listed as part of the grand total? I had four vouchers, clipped from the interior of the filing, in hand and set about to call.
Good thing I did it when I did, because I was on speakerphone hold for a good 30 minutes. When the line was finally picked up, I was greeted with what had to be a 70 year old, forced to remain working rather than retired, crotchety lil' lady who identified herself as "Mrs. Bush." The choice of pseudonym should've clued me in, but alas, I chirped my identifiers out to her (as chirpy as I can get with a head cold) and explained my question.
WOW did she let me have it. I've never been so quickly condescended to in a more bored fashion. She proceeded to rattle off a bunch of forms that I "should've filed if" I were self-employed, and a hoarse snort of disbelief that I thought the payment vouchers were actually, you know, for payment of my taxes. "Those aren't for 2008, those are tax payments for 2009." Said much in the same fashion as the tour guide to Pee-Wee at the Alamo.
"Okay, so, you're saying that I have to pay twice? Once for my 2008 taxes and again for these 2009 payments? I don't understand."
"No, you don't have to pay twice. These vouchers are for 2009 taxes."
"How can I pay on a tax return for a year that hasn't even happened yet?"
"No, the amount it shows you owe is for your 2008 tax return."
"Then the vouchers ARE for 2008?"
"No, because your 2008 tax return isn't finalized yet."
I kid you not, this is verbatim.
I don't know how many repetitions of the same lack of information on her part it took before I finally, apparently, asked the question I needed to know in a form she understood. The vouchers were the online filing program's way of estimating payment. They had nothing to do with the IRS itself. Which might've been helpful to know before I sent a payment in with them.
I'm just saying.
As well, I'm supposed to be receiving a "bill" from the IRS for the taxes that I owe, but at the same time, if I do not mail either a partial payment, or payment in full, to the IRS office and have it received AND processed (not just postmarked) by the 15th of April, then yes, I will be assessed sizeable penalties.
Now, mind you, I haven't received the bill yet. Because, you know, they haven't finalized my return. But I can't formally request a payment plan from the IRS itself until my return is finalized and I receive that bill.
The steam from my ears began fogging up Penny's windows at this point.
The moment of truth. "Let me just ask you this one thing. Is this amount, this owed amount listed on this return, minus the penalty amount, THE full amount that has to be paid? If I send in THIS amount on time, I will have taken care of my taxes for this year. Regardless of whether I've received the bill or not?"
"That is correct."
Sigh.
The rest is in the details of the remainder of the week. However, I'm curious as to what I'm supposed to send in with the check to attach it to my filed return in general. I think at this point, sufficient proof without redundancy could be achieved with a copy of my driver's license, SSN, and tax return, a printout of the 800 number and time elapsed on the call, a photo of me listening while on my cellphone, a strand of hair, the laptop with which I filed the return, a plaster cast of my thumbprint and possibly, if I can swing it, my firstborn.
I'll keep you posted.
I did my taxes online in January as soon as all my...and I do mean ALL my...W-2's were in, and found out that I owed a hefty chunk. Fine. I requested a payment plan, and was told in my filing summary that it could be done in four installments, April, June, September, January. Fine again.
However, a closer look revealed some interesting discrepancies in the listings themselves. Why, if I were being 'approved' for a payment plan, was I being charged a penalty? And, if I was able to pay it off in full, did that mean I still had to pay that penalty, since it was listed as part of the grand total? I had four vouchers, clipped from the interior of the filing, in hand and set about to call.
Good thing I did it when I did, because I was on speakerphone hold for a good 30 minutes. When the line was finally picked up, I was greeted with what had to be a 70 year old, forced to remain working rather than retired, crotchety lil' lady who identified herself as "Mrs. Bush." The choice of pseudonym should've clued me in, but alas, I chirped my identifiers out to her (as chirpy as I can get with a head cold) and explained my question.
WOW did she let me have it. I've never been so quickly condescended to in a more bored fashion. She proceeded to rattle off a bunch of forms that I "should've filed if" I were self-employed, and a hoarse snort of disbelief that I thought the payment vouchers were actually, you know, for payment of my taxes. "Those aren't for 2008, those are tax payments for 2009." Said much in the same fashion as the tour guide to Pee-Wee at the Alamo.
"Okay, so, you're saying that I have to pay twice? Once for my 2008 taxes and again for these 2009 payments? I don't understand."
"No, you don't have to pay twice. These vouchers are for 2009 taxes."
"How can I pay on a tax return for a year that hasn't even happened yet?"
"No, the amount it shows you owe is for your 2008 tax return."
"Then the vouchers ARE for 2008?"
"No, because your 2008 tax return isn't finalized yet."
I kid you not, this is verbatim.
I don't know how many repetitions of the same lack of information on her part it took before I finally, apparently, asked the question I needed to know in a form she understood. The vouchers were the online filing program's way of estimating payment. They had nothing to do with the IRS itself. Which might've been helpful to know before I sent a payment in with them.
I'm just saying.
As well, I'm supposed to be receiving a "bill" from the IRS for the taxes that I owe, but at the same time, if I do not mail either a partial payment, or payment in full, to the IRS office and have it received AND processed (not just postmarked) by the 15th of April, then yes, I will be assessed sizeable penalties.
Now, mind you, I haven't received the bill yet. Because, you know, they haven't finalized my return. But I can't formally request a payment plan from the IRS itself until my return is finalized and I receive that bill.
The steam from my ears began fogging up Penny's windows at this point.
The moment of truth. "Let me just ask you this one thing. Is this amount, this owed amount listed on this return, minus the penalty amount, THE full amount that has to be paid? If I send in THIS amount on time, I will have taken care of my taxes for this year. Regardless of whether I've received the bill or not?"
"That is correct."
Sigh.
The rest is in the details of the remainder of the week. However, I'm curious as to what I'm supposed to send in with the check to attach it to my filed return in general. I think at this point, sufficient proof without redundancy could be achieved with a copy of my driver's license, SSN, and tax return, a printout of the 800 number and time elapsed on the call, a photo of me listening while on my cellphone, a strand of hair, the laptop with which I filed the return, a plaster cast of my thumbprint and possibly, if I can swing it, my firstborn.
I'll keep you posted.
Comments
My impression of Jan Hooks as the Alamo tour guide still pops up from time to time to the amusement and bewilderment of my young coworkers.
"Can you say A-DO-BE?"